Editor’s note: Ask Deanna! is an advice column known for its fearless approach to reality-based subjects. Ask Deanna! can be heard every Sunday on KTYM AM 1460 at 3 p.m. in Los Angeles.

Dear Deanna!
My sister hates my boyfriend because she feels he doesn’t treat me right. My boyfriend doesn’t like her because he feels she is too nosey. They always argue, try to embarrass each other and do dirty things to each other. I’m at the breaking point after my sister stole a check from his checkbook and cashed it. On the other hand, my boyfriend told her boyfriend that she was cheating. Where do I draw the line with them before someone gets hurt?
Gina C.
Charleston, SC

Dear Gina:
Almost like school kids you would think they have a crush on each other. You have to decide how much time you have to babysit while they play games. Take control of your relationship and put your sister in her place. Your boyfriend needs to know your expectations as you give him your verbal thoughts on dealing with your sister. If he doesn’t behave, erase him and remember that boyfriends without rings come and go, but sisters are always around.

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Dear Deanna!
I’m tired of my friends borrowing my clothes. I’ve just finished college and have a good job. The clothes I buy are for work because I have to be professional. My friends think things are still the same as college and high school. I feel they should find their own clothes for interviews and not borrow mine. I’m now being accused of being snobby and thinking I’m better than they are because I’m working. How to I get through to them and keep our friendship?
Working Girl
Toledo, OH

Dear Working Girl:
You’re becoming mature and leaving your friends still in the arms of their teenage years. If you really want to help, tell them where you buy your clothes and get them connected to your shopping resources. Now that you’re in the workforce, you can coach them on finding employment and share your success story. This should provide motivation and continue your sisterhood of sharing. If they don’t respond, then hold your head high and keep it moving.

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Dear Deanna!
After a few years of dating, I decided to leave a relationship and go back to an old one. This was a mistake. The woman I went to lied to me, has a crazy ex-husband and was pregnant when we got together. I left this relationship immediately and tried to go back to the first woman. She has forgiven me, but said she will only take me back after I have a DNA test. In the meanwhile, she said if she finds someone else, then it’s over. Am I wrong for still wanting her?
Brandon
Omaha, NE

Dear Brandon:
You’re a selfish man living in your own fantasy world. You broke up with this woman for a reason and got more of the drama that caused you to leave in the first place. You’re lucky the first woman didn’t skin you like a cat. The universe has a way of righting itself so you shouldn’t be surprised if she decided to take the risk and move on without you. Regardless of the outcome of the DNA test, you should prepare yourself to be alone or look for another love.

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Dear Deanna!
I'm having a challenge with my new girlfriend. She is adorable, nice and sweet, but her hygiene and housekeeping habits are horrible. She can cook, but she leaves dishes in the kitchen for a week, never vacuums and her cat walks around the house. I always thought I could handle most things in this relationship but this is a bit much. We make love in a dirty bed, cat hair is everywhere and there are never any clean dishes. How do I gently handle this issue?
Clean Man
On-Line Reader

Dear Clean Man:
Your girlfriend is a slob and it’ll take an infection or food poisoning to get her to see the light. If you want to drink out of a dirty glass and have cat hair in your throat, hang in there with it. If this cramps your style, surprise your girlfriend with a few visits from a cleaning service and hope she gets the hint. If this doesn’t help, then tell her to clean her house and keep it clean or you’re gone. If she chooses dirt over you, say goodbye and keep it moving.

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Dear Deanna!
My uncle is newly divorced and he’s driving me crazy. He always wants to go to the club, hang out and drink. I don’t mind going out with him every now and then, but he comes over every day, eating dinner and begging me to go out. At first, my girlfriend was okay, but now she’s forcing me to turn him away, not take his phone calls and avoid him. He’s my favorite uncle and I don’t want to hurt him, but I don’t want to hurt my girlfriend either. What do I do?
Nephew John
Pasadena, CA

Dear Nephew John:
Apparently your uncle doesn’t know much about responsibility, thus his divorce. Although you have an obligation to put family first, you must never sacrifice your relationship for nonsense. Have a talk with your uncle and tell him that you want your relationship to work and you can only go out with him on a conservative basis. If he doesn’t understand then he’s selfish and deserves to go out alone.

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Dear Deanna!
I have gained a lot of weight and I feel that my husband is falling out of love with me.  He’s not intimate with me, we don’t cuddle and he always acts as if I’m annoying him. I am trying to diet but it is so stressful sitting by, watching and feeling that I’m losing my husband. He claims that he still loves me but his actions are extremely different from the words he says. What can I do to recapture the fire and energy in my marriage?
Overweight Wife
Toledo, OH

Dear Overweight:
If you’re having these feelings, there’s no sense denying there’s some truth to what’s going on. The best way to tell if your husband is slipping is for you to lose weight. You need to be happy with good self-esteem. Once you get back into your zone, measure your husband’s activity and behavior towards you. If things don’t change, you have a problem that goes beyond weight. Be prepared for a discussion and seek honest answers regarding your relationship.

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Dear Deanna! 
A good friend and I became lovers and our friendship was ruined in the process. I had high hopes that our friendship was strong enough to bear any storm. Before we started dating I was with someone else sexually. I became pregnant and thought I was certain who the father was. We were all shocked when the paternity test indicated a third man in my life. I am torn inside, have lost my best friend and become a single parent. How can I at least get my friendship back?
Tammie
Richmond, VA

Dear Tammie:
You have made a mess of your life and blazed a trail of destruction. You should be embarrassed and ashamed of yourself with your recreational sex and loose morals. Your friendship was lost the moment you became intimate, and completely killed with your pregnancy. Right now your focus is required to raise your child and get yourself together. If your friendship is meant to be then your pal will return. If not, learn from your silly mistakes, grow up and keep it moving.

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Dear Deanna!
My mother and I argue because she tries to tell me how to raise my kids. I’m not strict but I discipline when necessary by spanking or putting my kids on punishment. I was raised with church being crammed down my throat, curfews all over the place and rules on top of rules. My children are teens and I don’t mind if they drink, they’ve been taught about safe sex, and they know the basic rules of life. Is it wrong to tell my mom to mind her business?
Mom with a Problem
On-line reader

Dear Mom:
You’re stuck on stupid and need your head flushed out with a water hose. You’re building a road map for your children leading to jail, unplanned pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. Your parenting skills aren’t cute, and you should be glad to have a mother interested in helping you have good, responsible children. It’s to your advantage to wise up, listen to your mom and perhaps take a few suggestions here and there. Love your kids enough to lay down your guard, invite your mother in, and build a better bridge so your children will stay on the right track of life.

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Dear Deanna!
My mom and dad divorced and I feel everything was my mother’s fault. She argued at my dad all the time, accused him of things, and never gave him room to breathe. As a result, he cheated, had an affair and left for another woman. My mother is now a nervous wreck, and she swears she didn’t see it coming. I am in the middle of my two parents and don’t know what to do. I need to find peace in the middle but don’t know how.
Trina
Atlanta, GA

Dear Trina:
You have two parents that you must love equally, regardless of the decisions they make with each other. It’s not your responsibility to judge or choose sides based upon their behavior. The only thing you can do is enjoy your time with each one, keep your personal opinions to yourself, and don’t share business about their individual households. They divorced for reasons beyond your control and you shouldn’t feel guilty, nor feel like a peacemaker.

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Dear Deanna! 
I allowed a friend and her three small kids to move in with me. Her children are misbehaved, they lack manners and I feel like a hostage in my home. I stay in my room with the door locked because they are always asking questions, bothering me and they never sit down. I’ve discussed this with her and now I want to put them out. My walls are ruined, furniture dirty and I’m willing to toss our friendship behind this. Am I wrong?
Stressed Out
On-line Reader

Dear Stressed:
The moment you began to feel like a hostage is when you should’ve given your friend and her three terrors the boot. You’re doing her a favor, and if she can’t tame her kids and let them know they’re not in a barn, they need to go. Have a talk with your friend, point out the damages, and if she’s willing to pay, give her another chance. The second chance should be temporary while she finds a place, and the kids must behave. If she doesn’t comply, open the door and tell her goodbye.

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Dear Deanna!
I was an innocent victim when a fight started among my friends. I had nothing to do with it so after we went to court and everyone was convicted but me, I ended my friendship with everyone involved. They are now calling me a traitor and threatening me. They were all fighting over a boy and have criminal records. I’m tempted to become friends again just to get them off of my back but I don’t trust them. What should I do?
Pam
St. Louis, MO

Dear Pam:
You learned a lesson quick after getting beat up behind an issue that wasn’t yours. You’re doing the right thing because you escaped trouble and jail once, and it’s wise to cut your ties with your loser friends. You should stay clear of them because they will certainly set you up in order to get even. Don’t sacrifice yourself but instead find a new group of friends, and give the old ones your backside to kiss and keep it moving.

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Dear Deanna! 
I have a sister that is allowing her teen daughter to take birth control pills. I disagree with this because she is being encouraged to have sex at a young age. This is irresponsible and my sister needs to listen to me. Other family members are split on this issue but I refuse to back down. We are at the point where I’m thinking about getting child protective services or anyone else involved to get my niece removed from the home. Any suggestions I should take?
Myra
Charlotte, NC

Dear Myra:
You need to mind your business and be glad that your sister is preventing teen pregnancy. Obviously your niece is hot in the pants and her mother is making her be responsible. You look like a fool right now because you don’t have a clue about what’s really going on, other than rudely giving your opinions. Again, the best suggestion is to mind your own household and if your sister wants your two-bit advice or help, wait and let her ask for it.

Editor’s note: Ask Deanna! is written by Deanna M. Write Ask Deanna! at askdeanna1@yahoo.com or at 264 S. La Cienega, Suite 1283, Beverly Hills, CA 90211 . Visit her Web site at www.askdeanna.com.

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